Good/Bad and nothing much in between

We all have our off days, and for years I’d ran on stress and adrenaline alone, I was making myself ill. It was all one big ‘off day’. There were days of repreve however, days where I felt unbeatable and genuinely happy with my anxiety not ruining a damn thing for me. My life was mostly just me running myself into the ground however, and it really wasn’t good.

Since mid last year however I’ve made it my sole mission to focus on my self-care and learning to cope with life changes that will soon be upon me! I’ve been trying every day to be closer to the person I used to be and am waking up each morning telling myself “today is going to be awesome, today I’m gonna do big things. I’ve got this”

Some days I ride that mantra until I fell asleep, feeling accomplished and happy. While some days….well some days I’ll cry into a box of chicken nuggets thinking that “if one more thing goes wrong I’m going to lose it”

Last week I felt amazing, my anxiety was taking a day off again and the weather was perfect. I went about my daily tasks and shopping as if I didn’t usually have every negative thought screaming at me because for once, I genuinely didn’t! I was feeling confident and happy in my skin, I even gloated a little on snapchat about my outfit choice and good feels.

My gloating snapchat

Today though, while not a drastic opposite I huddled away in leggings  and a baggy sweater and felt utterly horrible. My hair didn’t look right, (I’ve had it cut short) my makeup went on horribly and I felt disgusting in everything I tried on. Considering its a Sunday I used it as an excuse to stay inside and wallow in the bad feels.

What I’m currently hiding in

But here’s the truth, I look just fine either way. It’s the same body no matter what I put on it and no matter what feelings my anxiety makes me have towards myself. If my makeup doesnt cover the flaws that I see then so be it! Its frustrating but it shouldn’t let it make me scared to go out because of being judged!

I still struggle daily with my relationship with myself but, hey I working on it! My next post I will note down all the tips I’ve been given on practicing self compassion, hopefully these tips and ideas will help me come back from today’s bad feels. Until my next post, I’ll see you online! Charlotte x

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