My head pounds as my mind starts listing everything, stumbling over itself as the sea of calm in my mind starts getting filled with the waves that are caused by each thing I have to do and remember.
The dullness follows soon after. It’s as if watching a storm roll in, clouds rolling across an uncalm sea. I shut down, lock the doors and batten down the hatches as I prepare for the storm approaching. I became none responsive. This isn’t by choice, I don’t choose the storm or the way I react to it. This is the moment I wait for, being numb after. But what I’m about to describe is the storm that actually happens before the calm.
When my anxiety reaches its peak my mind does an interesting thing that, when chanelled creatively is useful but most times it causes very unwanted side effects.
It’s my low latent inhibition out in full swing, my processors have become blocked from too much stimuli being jammed into my brain at once. No detail is too small, my anxiety is heightened and thus I’m hyper aware and my low latent inhibition becomes ‘a thing’
There are so many questions to be answered, so many things I have to do. It makes my brain feel like concrete, smashing up against a brick wall. I just can’t think!! I know that I am a smart intelligent person but I can’t get past this sea of information to to create even a single thought.
I try and focus, drown out all external stimuli to what I’m attempting to concentrate on. More recently it’s been sketching, starting with a plain pencil or pen on plain paper and then getting braver with colours. The dull fog finally comes as my low latent inhibition subsides, my anxiety calms and I find myself being able to process things normally.
Low latent inhibition is the inability to process familiar “information” (very loose definition here) it’s observing everything around you, consciously and subconsciously and constantly receiving what you perceive to be new information. It’s a constant state of ‘why’ and ‘how’ and ‘understanding’.
Unfortunately if you have a low IQ low latent inhibition normally results in mental health issues akin to schizophrenia, but if you have a high IQ they say it can lead to creative and innovative talent. I’m no Picasso or Shakespeare but I’m lucky enough that my anxiety triggered low latent inhibition isn’t drastic enough to result in bigger mental health issues.
It has more downsides than good for me. The world is sometimes too much, I find myself craving home and needing to bathe so that there’s some serenity or calm and less things to try and process around me. Discovering places that I have for myself, making peaceful time and places helps.
For now I am confined to this, and not very many people understand. So hopefully this helps those of you who are wondering. Until my next post, see you online. Charlotte x